Bigotry Begins At Home

Over at the website Queerty, the editors investigated the ways in which many businesses and their owners discriminate against their gay employees by not allowing partner’s benefits or supporting anti-gay legislation. They think you should know who the worst offenders are so you don’t accidently give your hard-earned cash to one of them. It’s an interesting mix. And a few surprises. 

What do you think? Click here to see the list.

WayBack Wednesdays: The Brady Bunch

Quote of the Day: “Something always happens whenever we’re together/We get a happy feeling when we’re singing a song…” “Come On Get Happy” by The Partridge Family

For some reason over the last few days, I haven’t been able to get the lyrics to the Brady Bunch song “Time to Change” out of my head. I think it’s because I was flipping through an old journal recently and I came across an entry I wrote a coupla years ago about devastatingly blonde Eve Plumb and a memory I had about her Brady-busting role in the classic TV movie/cautionary tale Dawn: Portrait of a Teenage Runaway (not to mention her command return performance in the sequel Alexander: The Other Side of Dawn.) But I digress…

So I’m walking across campus the other day, singing “When it’s time to change you’ve got to re-arrange, who you are into what you’re gonna be! Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na (sha-na-na-na-na)!” Then last night a buddy of mine compared himself to Marcia Brady to make one of his pop culture-saturated points about life and–coincidence? I think not–I knew that meant that WayBack Wednesday had to be a salute to the singing/dancing/superstar sextet who, if nothing else, taught us one of life’s biggest and best lessons–always be nice to the maid/nanny and never take her for granted. Otherwise you’ll get a mean, emotionally-empty, fun-hating lady named Kay to take her place and always sternly remind you, “But I’m not Alice. I’m Kay.” But again, I digress…

The Brady Bunch sang or put on a show as often as they could (remember that absurdly post-modern Snow White they performed in the backyard to raise money for retiring schoolteacher Mrs. Whitfield?) but it was with their wannabe pop group moments that they left their deepest impression on my suburban heart and mind. So I give you the Brady 6, getting down and funky as America’s (not-quite) Next Pop Star Family…

* “Dough Re Mi” from Season 3, in which Greg writes a song for the kids, but Peter’s voice starts to change right before they’re meant to go into the studio and launch Greg’s pop career–which wouldn’t have been a problem if they had Pro-Tools, right?–so Greg rewrites the number (such a nice big brother!) to incorporate Pete’s pubescent croaking into the mix…(They also sing a cute little ditty called “We Can Make the World a Little Brighter” in this episode). Don’t you just love Cindy’s white boots? And Greg’s so-mod-it-hurts suede jacket? I begged my mother for a suede fringed jacket after seeing Greg in his. She said no, because 5th graders didn’t suede fringed jackets to Ludlum Elementary School–what would the other mothers on the PTA think, for Christ’s sake? So I got back at her years later and bought one sophomore year at Brown, charging it to the credit card that I was only supposed to use for textbooks. I ended up slipping down in a Charlesfield Street puddle three days later and ruining my precious purchase. Suffice to say, after that, I started calling my mother “Mother Nature”   because I was sure that my fall was her sorcery at work all the way from Long Island. (But, naturally, I digress…)

* “Ameteur Night,” from Season 4, in which the Brady 6 morph into The Silver Platters, in order to win a talent show and buy their wonderful understanding parents an anniversary present. I love Alice’s excited convo with Mrs. Brady: “The kids are on TV,” she shouts. “What kids,” says Mrs. Brady. “Yours!” shouts Alice. “His! Ours!”

Here’s the actual performance on the Talent Show. They lost. I think it was because 1) this song was NOT as good as the one they used to audition (see above!) and 2) those atrocious track-suit/twin sets they donned made them look like a lost Olympic team in search of an event. Such wasted potential…

Brand New PET SHOP BOYS single…

I used to love the Pet Shop Boys. “Being Boring” is, to me, one of the finest pop songs of the last 20 years. Their new single is no “Being Boring”–or even a “West End Girls” or “What Have I Done To Deserve This”–but it makes me love them again…It’s a real cutie, catchy as hell, ethereally bouncy, sincere romantic fun…Sorta goes against the 80-style material-whirl excess of “Opportunities” (“I’ve got the brains/You’ve got the looks/Let’s make lots of money…”), but maybe the Boys have grown up, after all…

Enjoy:

See you tomorrow for the WayBack Machine on WayBack Wednesdays…Bring your dancing shoes!!!

One More Thing about Tantrums…

Quote of the Day: “Button your lip, baby/Button your coat/Lets go out dancing/Go for the throat…” “Mixed Emotions” by the Rolling Stones

I know the Christian Bale rant is sorta old news, but it still makes me laugh like a deranged, masochistic 4-year-old getting tickled by his favorite aunt.

This clip combines two of my favorite things, Christian Bale’s on-set breakdown and The Family Guy.

This is remix culture at it’s best, as far as I’m concerned, snide, funny, a little mean…fabulous!

Listen up!

I promise, after the original, after the lady in the airport, and now today, there will be no more tantrum posts…Well, not until the next one…!

NOT Leaving on a Jet Plane

So apparently this woman missed her flight. And she lets the whole world know just how pissed and upset she is, throwing a tantrum that rivals only Christian Bale in loudness, length, and intensity.

I wonder where she was trying to get to? Her only daughter’s wedding? Her only son’s graduation from law school? A twentieth high school reunion? The final stop on The Police’s world tour? A bris? Wherever it was, this lady was NOT having it…(if anyone can translate the verbiage of her freak-out I’d be forever grateful!)

Last Night a Weave Saved My Life

Have any of you seen the news footage of the sista who got shot in the head by her man, but lived to tell the tale…because her thick-ass weave stopped the bullet? You gotta see this, and hear her tell the story, to believe it…(I thought about calling this story “Bulletproof Weav-a” as a play on the title of my girl Lisa Jones’ book of essays Bulletproof Diva but changed my mind at the last minute…I thought it needed a more pop title than literary title, considering homegirl’s rather blase rendering of the story…) I’m still out on how I feel about this story: is it about abuse? Cause if so, homegirl does not seem too pressed about it…

To really appreciate the full flavor of this urban tale, you have to see it from another vantage point: listen to the commentary from the commentators over at ABC News: click here…!

Hollywood’s Big Night

Quote of the Day: “You commie homo-loving sons of guns!” — Sean Penn, winning his second Best Actor Oscar

I really enjoyed the Oscars last night. I know one’s not supposed to say that. It’s not hip or fashionable to enjoy an Oscar telecast; one is supposed to be all sarcastic and nasty about it, commenting solely on the clothes and hairstyles to have any real impact in the general post-game conversation. Well, ha! to that, I say. The new production team (Bill Condon–who directed Dreamgirls–and Laurence Mark) kept their ideas a closely-guarded secret–and it worked. Setting up the show as a “lesson” in how movies get made, lining up the awards (for the most part) in the order of how the elements of a film production fall into place–a stroke of producerial genius, I say. Using groups of actors (or solo stars like Will Smith) to guide viewers on this tour–smashingly done, especially Sarah Jessica Parker/Daniel Craig and Natalie Portman/Ben Stiller (who’s Joaquim Phoenix impression was hi-larious)…Didn’t care so much for Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black–both of them seem to try to hard in general, and together it just seemed like a real sweat-fest. 

Loved Eddie Murphy in the center of things giving the Jean Hersholdt award to Jerry Lewis. Loved Hugh Jackman’s gay-straight man (straight-gay man?) shtick. Loved the “salute to musicals,” though it really could have been a “salute to Broadway” and still make the same points–and even though they had the good taste to use Beyonce, the greatest entertainer on the planet right now who can do no wrong in my book (well, until she does), there should have been more songs snippets from Oscar-winning musicals like My Fair Lady or The Sound of Music or the Gershwin-fest An American In Paris, but that’s just me, I guess… 

Really loved the “previous-winner’s roundtable” approach to handing out the acting awards. For the first time ever watching an Oscar ceremony, I felt like I was watching a community of artists celebrate each other’s great work rather than a grab-bag of diva egos vying for the gold. (I can watch the Men’s Ice Skating comps at the Winter Olympics for that!) As the evening moved forward the groups of five actors brought onstage to present awards got more glamourous, more famous, more legendary. Perfectly played–though I must give a special shout-out to Sophia Loren for bringing her curvaceous Italian gravitas to the evening. Even if the moments were scripted, I felt like each actor (give or take a couple) gave the performances of their lives by making each nominee feel special, as if, in some ways, they’d already won. (Memo to Cuba Gooding, Jr.: stay on book. You had your, well, moment when you won for Jerry Maguire. If you really had a problem with Downey in blackface you should have stayed home. Or made a smarter, more articulate point…)

(Oh yeh, loved the Best Picture montages, in which the nominees were linked to similarly-themed movies from the past, but worst montage moment, by far: putting a shot of Braveheart into the Best Picture salute to Milk…uh, old debate, but it still resonates…)

It would have been nice to see Viola Davis win (like her Broadway counterpart Adriane Lenox did for the stage version of Doubt), but I guess I can’t have everything. What I did have, though, was an entertaining evening. The Oscars will never be the free-for-all funfest that is the Golden Globes, but it did come pretty close last night, at least in terms of looseness, emotion, and ease. 

And can I just ask: How freakin’ fabulous are Brad and Angelina? Even smirking their way through Anniston’s brittly, unfunny moments, they just exuded glamor and sexiness and joie-de-vivre, didn’t they? I bet they each gave each other a real prize after they got home and made sure the kids were asleep. They truly are this generation’s Liz and Dick. I just wonder which one is the real shrew at home?

Notes and News…

Quote of the Day: “This is what it sounds like when doves cry…” Prince, “When Doves Cry”

Some news and notes for the day:

*  So, that nasty old NY Post cartoonist apparently wrote–get this!–a children’s book once upon a time, a King Midas-style tale about a rat or something. Seems appropriate right, considering his apparent love of animals. Seems some peeps on Amazon.com are letting him know that he ain’t right…Read the story here…

*   Uhm, didn’t SCOTT TOPICS pretty much make this point about Beyonce a few months ago? Yeh, pretty much. But we certainly didn’t make THIS point about Sasha Fierce…oh well. I think I can go with it. Willi Ninja, RIP…

* I have this friend, a new, very good one, named Ivan Anderson. He’s gonna be a rock star in a few years, take my word for it. This is about Ivan’s Mom, though. She’s actress Leslie Ayvazian, who, it turns, out guested on one of my VERY FAVORITE episodes of Law & Order. It was called “Homesick”. It was the one where a baby gets poisoned and the detectives think the British au pair did it, but the baby’s father had a bitter ex-wife and a son, and Patti LuPone played opposing counsel, and Kim Raver played the super-chic NEW wife (and the baby’s mother) who was more career-girl than good mother, and…well I won’t give it away if you haven’t seen it. But it’s a goodie.

I tell you all that to say that Leslie Ayvazian is a playwright, too, most famously known perhaps for Nine Armenians. And her new play is going up at the Atlantic Theater Company this year! It’s called Make Me, and it sounds hot. Read more about it here…Congrats, Ivan’s Mom!

Drawn That Way

Quote of the Day: “You better speak up now if you want your piece/You better speak up now/It won’t mean a thing later/Yesterday’s news is tomorrow’s fish and chip paper…” “Fish n Chip Paper” by Elvis Costello

Sexual harassment is no laughing matter. Whether it be unwelcome sexual advances or requests for sexual favors, it’s a serious offense. And, again, not something one should laugh at. Well, okay, not usually. Some of you might have seen this clip before. It’s a mock(?) PSA about preventing sexual harassment in the workplace. Someone sent it to me the other day and it sorta cracked me up–especially some of the reaction shots of the “victims” once it really gets going…I think it’s funny cause it crosses some gender and race lines that speak much louder than one expects…Check it out:

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As for this New York Post cartoon that’s making waves all over the place: Um, a chimp, a direct reference to the stimulus package, a smoking gun, a newly-elected black president? Wrong on so many levels that I don’t even know how to respond. Part of me is used to these ridiculously racist and homophobic cartoons the Post tries to pawn off as social commentary. But, even if I wanted to try to analyze it enough to think that maybe the cartoonist was just making a mockery of all the idiots in DC, just riffing on those old  “chimp-with-a-typewriter” jokes as a way of making our government leaders look stupid, another part of me remembers that the artist Sean Delonas has never shied away from doing a lot of the racist, sexist, homophobic work that even some Post writers refuse to indulge in (or only signify). Two white cops shoot a chimp dead–and, at this point in our nation’s twisted history, the ONLY joke he could think to make was about the most important issue Barack Obama is dealing with at the moment? Did he chuckle as he was writing the dialogue bubble? Was he thinking, “I’ll fix that monkey sitting in the White House”? We’ll never know. What I know is that–even though we wanna talk about “post-racial” this, “new-day” that–as I once heard a friend’s mother say, “white folks never cease to amaze me.” My question is this: How do we get to “Post-racial” when we can’t even get past The Post?

Gawker.com provides a gallery of Delonas’ greatest cartoon “hits” (with his favorite targets: gays, women, blacks, just about anyone different than him.) Click here to see some of them, if you like.

WayBack Wednesdays: Schoolhouse Rock

Quote of the Day: “Wave your little hand and whisper so long dearie…” — from Hello, Dolly!‘s “So Long Dearie”

On February 8, it was reported that Blossom Dearie had passed away. Dearie was a singer and songwriter who was known for a wispy, little-girl voice that nonetheless had a real power to it, so different it was than most of the other cabaret-bound, standard-singing voices around her. She was, to some, the personification of Downtown Hip, an real insider’s taste.

My introduction to Dearie came when I was about 8 years old, sitting in bed on Saturday morning, watching ABC cartoons. It was during the interstitial moments between shows (and commercials) that I was most entertained. Because that was when I discovered Schoolhouse Rock, the three minute shorts that educated kids on everything from grammar to government to gobbledygook of numbers.

If you’re anywhere around my age—creeping up on or just past the big 4-0—you know about Schoolhouse Rock: it’s probably where you learned how to recite the Preamble to the Constitution or what a Veto was or who invented the lightbulb. It didn’t take the place of school, but it sure made learning fun. (A memory: I remember being at a New Year’s Eve party at Dave and Cynthia’s in Brooklyn back in the 90s. Someone had found Dave’s VHS tape of Grammar Rock and by the third video, the bedroom was crammed with a bunch late-20s revelers, sipping Champagne, singing along with the tunes–and sharing Schoolhouse Rock memories…)

So in honor of Ms. Dearie, and to celebrate all of our lost youths, I present you three episodes of Schoolhouse Rock, all performed by Blossom Dearie…

1. “Figure Eight,” in which we learn how multiply numbers by 8. This, I think, is actually one of the best melodies written for the entire series.

2. “Unpack Your Adjectives,” in which we learn how enhance nouns with those words we “use to really describe things”…

3. “Mother Necessity,” in which Blossom is joined by pretty much all the Schoolhouse Rock singers to narrate the history of the world’s greatest inventions.

What were your favorite Schoolhouse Rock episodes? Leave a comment!