The HUNG Commercials

So I open my email today and there’s this document there. It’s from this young filmmaker I’ve been talking to about shooting a couple of Internet ads for my book HUNG. And I got excited. Homeboy had taken my basic idea and devised a clever treatment that got the point and made me laugh. Now all we have to do is shoot the suckers and get them on the Net.

But first we gotta cast them. I used to sit on casting boards back in college, helping directors pick actors to play the various roles in plays going up on campus. The casting board was really a sounding board–we didn’t really cast anyone, we merely made suggestions to the director so that he or she could make the final decision about who was right for which part.

This time, I’m sort of a casting board of one. And I have to cast four dudes, three black and one white. The three black guys are playing three of the guys I interviewed for HUNG, recounting bits and pieces of their stories to the camera. The white guy will be playing one of the white dudes I interviewed, a black-identified white stud with a huge penis. Now, as good as these guys should be speaking the lines we’ve given them, it’s really, finally, all about the “look”. One of the brothas has to be a corporate type. One of the brothas is a professional athlete. One of the brothas is a rapper. They have to look the parts, yes. But here’s the catch. They’re all nude. Standing there with copies of HUNG covering their, uh, naughty bits.

So, how does one cast a corporate raider, a pro baller, and an MC with no real wardrobe to draw from? With no jewelry to drape or sneakers to slip on them? Will it be in the haircuts they wear? Do we dig up a baseball cap for the jock? Do we make the corporate guy a little saggy from all those hours spent sitting behind a desk? Do we give the rapper some gold teeth to sport? And the white dude: Before he says a word, the visuals have to speak up. He can’t be Abercrombie & Fitch-ish, can he? Is he built? Cut-up and diesel? It’s gonna be hard.

But someone’s gotta do it.

All that said, that’s where you, dear readers, come in. If you know any actors, guys that can do monologues while standing nude with a hardcover book covering them up, shout me out. Would be good if they’re in the NYC area and available to audition in the next two weeks to shoot the first week of October. They can send their resumes to TheSPBQ@aol.com

Thanks.

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